my lil miss 🫐

LOG 202505111014 #log

it's been so so hard losing berry; hard to find the motivation to do anything but just continue being here.

'Grief is like carrying a heavy backpack that never gets lighter - you just get stronger at carrying it. The weight of losing Berry will always be there, but eventually, it won't feel like it's crushing you with every step.'

and it's still so heavy. i have bun to help lift me up each morning but i thought the joy of his distraction would help me cope with her lose more than it has. i hope that changes.

i hope i find the strength to carry this.

i catch myself looking for her in him; and she isn't there in so many places that i miss.

she had a unique charm, just the way she was.. her presence and the way she'd look at me. i don't know if i'll ever find that again in my life but i'm so thankful that i had it. it just breaks my heart knowing that her last day on this earth was filled with pain and suffering.

trapped in am unfamiliar cage in a strange place, i know it's better than her being in pain at home but I just wish she could have gone peacefully. why did her tragic accident have to be so fucking tragic for her.

her whimpers will haunt me and ill never shake the guilt knowing that I could still be holding her in my arms right now if i'd just given her my attention. attention she was so willing to receive and reciprocate. fuck.

i'm so sorry lil miss, i love you berry ❤️

https://open.spotify.com/track/47I4XKD2lCSlRpARfyjASg?si=e09889acc5d84e40